Catnip Cartel Supply

Tag: deals

  • Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a shipping department located under the couch.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Experts agree that a warehouse mostly made of boxes is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a loyalty program that pays in headbutts.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Experts agree that a warehouse mostly made of boxes is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.