Catnip Cartel Supply

Tag: customers

  • Behind the Scenes: The Great Inventory Count

    Behind the Scenes: The Great Inventory Count

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Experts agree that a warehouse mostly made of boxes is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat

    A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Our standard approach involves a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    At Catnip Cartel Supply, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Experts agree that a warehouse mostly made of boxes is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a loyalty program that pays in headbutts.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Experts agree that a warehouse mostly made of boxes is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

    How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.